I joined American Adoption Congress recently after their call to action asking for Birthparents to sign the list in support of open records for adoptees. I'm not much of a joiner. I don't especially like meetings. I don't have the business skill-set to be a good organization volunteer.But I liked the idea of this list of Birthparents willing to write their names on a list to say, yes, I believe adoptees have the same rights as other adults, and no, I'm not hung up on confidentiality. Studies and surveys have shown that many Birthparents do not feel the need for a gatekeeper.
I was pleasantly surprised when their newsletter,"Decree" appeared in my mailbox. Essays and poetry with multitude of perspectives. I recommend it.
I recently met someone who is an adopted mom. She and her son are searching for his birthmother. She's asked me to re-post what she has posted on Facebook:
I believe my son has a right to know who his birth mother is. He was born in 1977 at Parkview Hospital in Riverside. His birth mother named him Kevin, and she used Parker as a last name on the birth certificate. She would be in her early 50's now. She once lived in Southern California, and we were told she joined the army not long after his birth. If you know anyone who fits this profile, please contact me.
Tobias Wolfe, author of This Boy's Life, has this to say about his mother:
"In her life she didn't get anything right, except one thing, and that was love. After reading This Boy's Life she said: ' I'm glad you didn't tidy me up and turn me into someone I wasn't. That would have meant that I hadn't been of any use to you as a mother.' "
Giving birth to my son at seventeen and giving him up, I have to admit I didn't get much right. But I loved him. That story is not a tidy one. Hallmark doesn't have a card big enough, wide enough, or ragged enough to cover all that.